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noorqariana masowari


im not gonna make this formal.
im at my legal age. HECTIC age ever. studying electrical engineering course @ ngee ann poly. read thru me and be surprise what you might find. thank you my beautiful people.

break the silence

read since DATE.



melodies





darlinks

GAGA-HAIDAH
GAGA-SYA
FAVES-FARID
AWAKS-SHERRIE
AWAKS-IZZIE
SP-EZEN
NYP-DADA
NSS-HANIS
RP-FAIRUZANA
NP-BRENDA
Blueny(:
NP-MATIN
NP-ELLE
NP-JEREMY
NP-YUENLING
NP-CHERLOTTE
NP-STEPH
NP-CHERIN

long gone


credits

please do not remove credits, thankyousomuchie
orangeeeeyy Missyan

Thursday, June 18, 2009

17th june 2009, about 1600 hours
i was..few steps away looking at his face. just about 5 steps i can reach him and tap on his shoulders. a few steps away in opening my mouth and saying the first words after afew months of not talking to each other. and there he stands,a few steps away from me..with his back facing me. same as ever. the messy hair. the square shoulders. the tall height that i fell for. and there he was. figure that never change. that i prolonged to see. its all in irony. its all very ironic. wishing to see him alone, by himself. and there he was, with his miniature figure lover. sometimes, things got to change. and cant never be the same. even you tell others that you are still..the same; unchange.

at that exact moment, that exact few steps away from looking at his face, my reations and thoughts wondered around, feeling absolutely remorse about myself being. feeling that i might die, due to lack of power and geniune behaviour. but i cant force myself to be exactly the way that i always wanted to be. i feel that i might suffocate myself with the air smelling "LOSEUR". On the way to work, the feeling was still stuck on to my skin, eventho i reacted the same thru out. without keeping my thoughts shut; which was gushing like a river with negative views, i sms my two earthly bestfriends: sya and haidah.

  • me-haidah: haidah.........
  • me-sya: dude...........
  • haidah: yes...........
  • sya: yes darla..............
  • me-haidah: am i a loseur?
  • me-sya:am i......a loseur?
  • haidah: why?
  • sya: WHAT THE HECK?! why you said that?! what happened dude? care to share?

and there the story goes. i told why i thought im a loser to sya. she was so shocked that i think that way and totally recover my thought of not being in loserville. its painful to know that i actually have this, psychotic behaviour of having different emotions at different time. sya is really helpful in recovering the pain. she told me all the details of not having to behave the way i am now. wow. thanks sya, i have yet to tell haidah. im gonna tell her soon. bet her impact plus sya's gonna make me feel happier and terrific for this weekend. i hate myself. and haidah say that, if i feel miserable, i might just able to lose weight. so that whats im feeling right now. im feeling miserable by both forcefully and unintentionally.

  • fatin-me:aku bilang haidah baru tahuuuuu.
and the stupid barcadi lime and orange is still stuck to my throat. yucks. now i hate it.
and hate myself.

see me fly high, above the rooftops at my kitchen window.

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